Memoirs of the ΛΔ (ラムダデルタ卿による回想記) is a short story that was released as a booklet on September 28, 2008. It was later adapted into visual novel format with Umineko no Naku Koro ni Tsubasa.
The translation here was made by theacefrehley on AnimeSuki, found here.
Transcript[edit | edit source]
Memoirs by Lady Lambdadelta
-- In gratitude to the letter of the other day, with some suitable kakera too.
Boredom is poison for us.
So, by caprice, I happen to grant desires of the humans.
"I will grant you one wish."
Aah, it really sounds bittersweet.
With these words alone, I'd certainly be able to have my black tea very very sweet even without putting any sugar in it, for seven years.
Even the humans who receive those words from me should enjoy that much of bittersweetness, though.
Of course, I enjoy it too.
What kind of wish will they tell me?
After all, it may be an unexpected chance, that I did not assume, to come across a new brethren we still had not come across.
Naturally, my expectations always end up being betrayed, unfortunately.
That girl said that expectations are the same as tea leaves.
Without it, you don't even get black tea.
It's just hot water.
That's why, in any kind of world, it's necessary a proper quantity of expectations, hopes and dreams.
...... An example fit for her.
And if there are too many tea leaves, it won't become something you could drink at all.
Perhaps, it won't be any more drinkable than just hot water, without any tea leaves inside.
That's why I'll use a proper quantity, the amount she taught me, ...... well, a little bit less than it.
I can't drink a black tea that is too bitter.
...... I'll try mixing just a bit of tea leaves.
'Can I really wish anything?', 'Isn't there anything undersurface here?', I'm sick and tired of such boring doubts.
That's why I secretly turn an hourglass upside down.
If the dull human can't think of one wish in 5 minutes, I won't be able to make a significant black tea out of him anyway.
So, if the hourglass runs out, it's time-out, goodbye.
And the most numerous among the annoying wishes that came up are these.
'I want you to increase the number of wishes you'll grant'
It's their creativity to increase the finite of just one to infinite.
... Could it be that the frivolous humans feel a creator-like depth and a sense of superiority in that...?
However, my impression is exactly the opposite.
' A wish to grant anything', with just one, it means a miracle that allows you to easily create an universe.
I'll state it more clearly.
'A wish to grant anything' doesn't need to to be something you can count as 1 or 2.
So, when they count it in numbers, the miracle that humans imagine is nothing but something of that scale.
Such worthless humans probably don't deserve my attention to what kind of boring things they will wish with their wishes increased to 100.
This is the same as black tea.
If you make 100 cups of black tea from the same small teapot, it's obvious it will become more and more diluted and unappetizing.
So, if they ask such boring wishes, I just declare 'Yeah, I'll grant it to you. See you.' and disappear.
They should just keep on thinking about the countless amount of wishes, for the rest of their lives, and die without even granting any one of them.
...... Aah, idiots!
After that, the next typical wish is 'I want a lot of money'
Needless to say, this is also a boring answer.
Is this money such a wonderful thing?
Do they think a traveller in a desert, tormented by hunger and dryness, would leap in joy because of a mountain of wads of bills?
When he can't even drink or eat the bills.
It's a narrow freedom that can only be obtained within the range of the rules called the currency system.
The narrow-mindedness to desire something like that, aah, it disappoints me.
Does a quarter go in a vending machine in Japan? Can a 100-yen coin be used at a street stall in Africa?
Would you, who grieve and moan for the loved one who was killed, forget completely about it if you got a lot of money?
'I want love'
'I want happiness'
These are everyones wishes that disappoint me.
After all, if I just tell them the single words, 'Don't worry. You are happy. You are loved.', it'll be granted.
Aah, it's stupid.
Both love and happiness are the same as the air.
Even though it fills the world, if you don't understand it, it's the same as if it doesn't exist.
So, people who desire something obvious like that disappoint me as well.
And then, if you allow me to say more, both love and happiness are as extremely varied in shape as the number of people.
The general term for those things of an unspecified large number is 'love' and 'happiness'.
Such boring humans, incapable to explain their love and happiness without using abstract words like that, no matter how many decades they live, they will never be able to find true love and happiness.
'I want a power that doesn't lose to anyone'
I thought it to be a bit interesting wish but, the term 'anyone' is a bit in excess here.
The will to win over someone, in short, can't keep itself without the existence of someone to be the opposition.
Humans of such level will end up losing the willpower to keep on living once they defeated that someone..
Even though I can present them with wishes to create even an universe, or even to send an universe back no naught, why their ideas can't leap out from inside the narrow limits called human society?
Aah, that's why they are humans, huh.
Meaning they're not witches, huh.
Among boring humans like those, I met a little girl I thought to have a bit of knack.
After being motionlessly troubled, she told me this.
"Please, give me a guarantee that my efforts will definitely come true."
" ...... Haa? What is it? even though I tell you I'll grant your wish, you say you'll grant it yourself?
A guarantee for that? I don't get the meaning of this."
Once in a while, there are humans who propose strange things that not even them understand the meaning, feigning to be philosophical.
Certainly, this little girl is also that kind of kid, I thought.
'My endeavors' are not limited by any sort of number.
By the way, she asked me, it is just like she is saying: please, increase the number of wishes to be granted to infinite.
But, the depth of her eyes looks like it's a bit different from that of the humans who have been asking that.
Even though the hourglass ran out, I decided to give a try and listen to her story a bit more.
"If you wish to me, I'll grant you anything at once, without any endeavor, that's what I'm saying to you.
Well, just one thing, though, right?"
" ...... I'm telling you my wish is not something that can be counted as 1 or 2 wishes."
"You mean the number of dreams you want to come true is of a very very large number? What a greedy girl."
" That's not it. The arrival point I must reach is just one. But, I guess the path to reach that place is complicated and pass through many difficult parts. I'm sure they are countless. But, I think I am able to aim at that only one arrival point, without making mistakes, and definitely, definitely, arrive there."
That is not a wish anymore.
If I were to say it with human words, it'd be 'determination'.
If I were to say it with witch words, ...... it'd be 'fate'.
Speaking about a wish that will definitely come true is not called determination.
That is already called 'predestination'.
To bring forth fate is not for the category of the humans.
At that time, I unmistakenly saw the radiance of a brethren of mine deep into the eyes of the little girl.
...... The wish she desired was just one.
The wish she'd definitely grant, the predestination.
...... 'I want you to make me believe in it'
Interesting, I thought.
I guess I can grant that for her, I thought.
But, before that, I decided to make sure of that once more.
I wanted to know the final goal of her 'predestination', that she boasts that she'll definitely grant heself.
In the end, she may not leave the level of the humans, she may be a boring person.
...... However, I piled more 'tea leaves'.
I 'definitely' had conviction that she'd live up to my expectations.
"Tell me. What is your true wish? What is your predestination you say you'll definitely grant...?"
"I will become a god."
With those single words. My heart was settled.
I granted her wish.
I gave her the guarantee that her endeavors would definitely come true.
The determination she spoke of, to me, was already 'fate'.
And the guarantee I gave, to her too, was 'fate'.
That's why all the tales she will draw from now on will be fate.
Well, her fate also has a weak point.
Since her own endeavors are at the roots of it all, if they shake, so will her fate.
Besides, I gave the guarantee that her endeavors would definitely come true but, I did not give the guarantee for how much endeavor she'd need for it to come true.
So, I guess it means eternity could not be brought forth in her.
I guess it'd be correct to say that, as long as she doesn't lose heart, it'll be eternal.
If she could have honestly wished "Please, turn me into a god", she'd have gotten a perfect score from me, though.
... Well, even if I turn a human into a god all of a sudden, their minds would just end up dispersing.
Maybe it's also necessary for them to gradually accustom their bodies to the atmospheric pressure of the almighty world, while treading on these steps called 'endeavors'.
Maybe our world is just like going down an infinite ladder that leads to the bottomless depths.
You can go down fearfully and cowardly, you can also go down in a hurry, nervously wondering until where will you reach in the depths.
However, if you miss your footing.
...... You'll fall forever towards the bottomless hell.
In that sense, certainly she was prudent.
But, well. ...... I won't deny that she disappointed me a bit with her excess of prudence.
-- Because I wanted her to hurry and come down until the depths I was in.
That little girl tried hard, I think.
But, maybe I also overestimated her a bit in some aspects.
Unfortunately, she was far from reaching the world I hoped.
But, even so, it's alright.
Because she created a new witch and sent her to me.
And then, for a long time, I drifted through countless worlds.
Sometimes, upon finding a seemingly interesting human, I threw at them the same question.
But, never again would I come across a human capable of asking a wish that surpassed that girl.
That's right. Until I happened to meet that kid.
" Please, turn me into a witch."
- ※ Note: strictly speaking, even if it's a male, you can still call him a witch.
Therefore, you can't conclude that the gender of this 'person' is female by means of the speech 'I want to become a witch'.
That's quite a straight ball, huh, ...... That's right. ... I was longing for those words.
But, I decided to urge more without rushing.
"...... Into a witch. Hee. ... Do you want to fly through the skies straddling a broom?
Or could it be that you want to try to multiply a biscuit inside your pocket to 2?"
"It's obvious that a witch can do things like that.
...... Becoming a witch, I'll bring forth all the things I wish.
People, hearts, everything.
And now, there's nothing I can't do.
Because I am already a witch."
I remember that the eyes of that kid had a radiance similar to the radiance that little girl I miss used to wear.
I felt an aroma of sweet tea leaves that worked as a spice and that I could not come across many times over a thousand years.
That's right, it's just like that little girl.
"They" will grant everything on their own.
"They" will create.
"They" will accomplish.
They were strong eyes that had predestination in it.
And what made even that little girl say it was an arrival point, this kid boldly spoke that they had already arrived there.
This kid caught my interest.
" You babbled it, right. That you are already a witch, huh...?
Can you assert that you are a being that can stand side by side with me, the witch of certainty, who possesses the title of lady?
Know your place, you stunted and insignificant human...!"
"Yes, I am already a witch.
There's only one thing I seek.
And that is just the recommendation by a different witch from me, stating that she recognizes that I am a witch."
That is exactly the same wish as that little girl.
"...... You're really a burly witch.
I see, as long as you have a title that says you are that, nobody will be able to deny that you are a witch, huh.
...... But, tell me.
A god and the Creator are still a god and the Creator even without anyone recognizing them, you know?
And it should be the same for the witches.
... Even if nobody recognizes you, if you are a witch, you should be a witch even if I don't recognize you.
Am I correct?"
I understand that I have started to transcend the human territory.
From my view, I can declare that I am in the highest position among all humans.
However, I need the view from a being who is in an even higher position than mine passing sentence that the position I am in now transcends the human level."
"......... It's possible for a human to acknowledge that one transcended the human level but, only a witch can acknowledge whether you reached the witch level, is that what you mean?"
I am aware that I transcended the human world and reached the world of the witches.
I'd like you to recognize that I reached that, from the standpoint of a witch."
"...... You mean that a witch needs the recommendation from a witch to become a witch?
Interesting but, then, I wonder who recognized the very first witch in the world?"
"The human beings probably called witch the being that transcended their own level, and gave them that name."
"Then, even if I do not recognize you, it means you are already a witch."
That's why, I am already a witch.
...... For that very reason.
What I wish is that.
I want to be recognized as a witch by a being who is in higher position than mine."
"...... I feel like I'm being deceived with tortuous sophisms.
What if I say no?"
" You don't need to recognize against your will.
Because, in that case, I'll just make you recognize me as well.
...... Not even you will be able to deny that I am a witch."
"...... Kuukuukuuku, Uuhuuhuuhaahaahaaha...!
Would you tell what kind of compendium of magic an insignificant human could create?
...... You say you will let me try it?
An aroma of sweet black tea, that transcends by far that little kid, that is just like the chirp of a little bird in a day of spring.
After a very, very long trip, I realized that I had happened to meet a witch with a backbone I didn't see for a long time.
And then, I plunged into the composition formula of "their" compendium of magic, ......... and through peculiar explanations only they could give, I realized that a huge compendium of magic had been created, one I could not realize until then.
Certainly, this kid is still clumsy.
"Their" magical world is still half-way of its formation.
However, the composition formula to reach that formation is endowed with flawless and infinite possibilities.
Probably it will still take a long time for "them" to be able to deal with that infinite but, there was no room to doubt that "they" had already opened that door and was reaching the other side.
And above anything else, the idiosyncrasies of this 'witch' succeeded in constituting that compendium of magic in the human world.
The more a witch seeks freedom and power, the more they are freed from all restrictions proportionally.
Restrictions here meaning the physical world.
In other words, they will be steadily drifting towards a distant place, away from the human world, the material world, like me and the other witches of the same rank do.
However, this witch accomplished that in the human world.
No, ...... far from that, their composition formula is too deep.
It's as though "they'd" fly down the depths, opening a parasol and using it as a parachute, the depths that I've been coming down over a thousand years, step by step, through the ladder of the profound water well, ...and quickly...!
...... Naturally, there's the danger that that parasol might break and they might fall to hell just like that.
Because of that recklessness, ...with the impulsiveness of youth, the despise for the likes of the humans, ....... and with the interest for how far this witch would reach, I started to throw light on a world yet unknown to me and felt honoured to have a black tea I never tasted smell sweet.
This is my pet view, though.
It can explain that all the beings are placed somewhere between the two extremes, the side who is tossed about by fate and the side who creates fate.
The ones tossed about by fate are the humans.
Fools, helpless, can't create anything.
...... However, they have a ground to firmly step under their feet.
And that ground will never betray them, thus, they can live their whole existence without the fear of the terror of falling to hell.
The ones who create fate are the gods.
And the Creator.
Omniscience, almighty, create everything.
...... However, the fact that they create everything and are freed from all restrictions means they don't even have a restriction such as the ground under their feet.
Beings that completely lost all restrictions, ...... in exchange for obtaining everything, they lose even the restriction of their own 'meaning'.
...... Even the notion of life and death disappears, even the meaning of the existing disappears, ...... they reach the limits of the zero.
Vanish like mist.
I think the ones placed in the middle are us, the witches.
We create fate and play with it.
We fool around that valley.
However, we have to accept some definite restrictions and limits and leave some footing so that we won't fall.
The witches who are not afraid of this have far, far less of those restrictions, ... than me.
Would "they" be the one cup of black tea capable of diverting for a moment my boredom in this thousand years journey?
Or would "they" be a witch far superior than me who will shed light over the depths where cowards like me might never be able to reach and show me an unknown world?
Any of the two is fine.
If we assume that I am not a traveller aiming for hell, but a disaster victim thrown into the ocean and struggling to not get drowned.
To me, this kid would be a splendid block of wood worth of clinging on.
Would "they" become a rescue ship showing me the way to an unknown world.
Or would "they" be no more than a cup of black tea to make my afternoon more elegant for a brief time?
"I liked it.
......... I guess there's no problem.
Upon my name, I recognize you as a witch.
Upon my name, the name of Lamdadelta, the witch of certainty!
As long as your 'Certain Magic World' continues being 'certain'.
I will continue being your guardian forever...!!"
...... To savor this wonderful black tea alone would really, really be a waste.
I have to call a friend too, right?
I have to surprise them with a wonderful tea party.
- giggle, giggle*, Aahahahahahahahahahaha...............!
Translator's note: The cat's ears spell out 34 (Lambdadelta) in Greek numerals.